Sounds of Silence
by VivienneGray
Summary: Another push. Another shove. Another crash. Arthur picks himself up off the floor, wincing as a new bruise blossoms on his skin. Camelot has changed, becoming a hell on earth, one that Merlin doesn't even know exists. And soon, everyone will be caught in the crossfire.
1. Chapter 1

The door opens with a click and Merlin steps inside the house gently, replacing the grin with a calm mask of indifference.

"I'm home," he calls out into the room as he makes his way through the kitchen.

He pauses.

Glass litters the floor.

Hesitantly he continues into the living room. His mother's favourite vase lies in shattered shards, glinting dully in the lamplight.

"You're early."

Merlin freezes as he hears his father's voice from the couch. "Yeah, I didn't have a lot of homework," he says flatly.

His father just grunts. Merlin's blue eyes carefully flit about the room. The drawn curtains. The one lamp illuminating the colourless scene in dull light. The almost-empty bottle held in his father's grip. The remnants of another strewn across the carpet, the dark glass mingling with the pieces of clear, shining crystal. The putrid scent of alcohol polluting the air.

Merlin's nose crinkles and he picks his way across the room to the staircase, the glass tinkling softly under his step. At the foot of the stairs, he pauses and clears his throat. He has to ask. "Where's Mum?" He already knows the answer.

"Spending the night with her sister. But… But she'll be back," Mr. Emrys slurs. 'She always comes back."

"I don't know why," Merlin mutters under his breath, just a sliver of speech in the quiet room. And his father is belching too loudly to notice.

Merlin trudges up the stairs and rushes into his room, closing the door softly behind him. He pulls on some clean clothes and flings his backpack into a corner. Quickly, he washes his face and reapplies the gel on his hair. He has to look perfect.

After spraying on some cologne, he pauses in front of the dresser. Hesitantly, he slides open a drawer he hasn't opened in weeks. Almost reverently, he slips out a small plaid bow tie. It would look so good with his outfit, wouldn't it? He holds it up to his collar, staring at his reflection in the mirror.

_Practice the smile. _

_No, that's pathetic. Try again. _

_You're going to make Arthur cry. Try again. _

_Almost. _

_Not quite. _

_There it is. Perfect. _

_So you know how to smile. That's good. _

Merlin's hand hesitantly lingers at his collar but he closes his eyes and puts the bowtie back, closing the drawer softly.

Buttoning up his jacket he slips downstairs and ties on his shoes.

"And where are you going?"

Merlin exhales.

"WHERE ARE YOU GOING?" His father thunders. "YOU RUNNING AWAY TOO BOY?"

"No," Merlin says wearily.

"I'm going to see Arthur."

"Oh your fairy boyfriend is back is he? So he didn't forget about you."

Merlin stands and turns his back on his father. "I'll be home late. Try and sober up," he clips sharply.

"Don't you turn your back on me."

Heavy hands spin him and throw him harshly against a wall. Merlin winces as his father's fingers dig into his bruised chest. "This is your fault. If you were normal this wouldn't be happening. _Fag." _Mr. Emrys spits, and Merlin's eyes water from his rancid breath.

His father releases him and Merlin lets the wall support his weight as his knees weaken.

"This wouldn't be happening…" Mr. Emrys slurs, the alcohol blurring his words together as he collapses back onto the chair, taking another swig from the dark bottle. "This wouldn't be happening if you weren't you." He takes another swig and throws the empty bottle on the floor. It cracks, spider webs appearing on the glass. "Just go! What are you waiting for fag? GO! Go and get fucked by that fairy of yours. And stay there. We-we don't want you here… No one wants you."

Merlin stumbles outside the door and into his car, his father's profanities ringing in his ears as he pulls out of the driveway and onto the road. He grips the steering wheel tightly.

_It's nothing new. He just drunk. _

_You're going to see Arthur. Finally._

_Cheer up. _

"_Fag."_

_No. Don't do this to yourself. He's not worth it. _

"_We don't want you here."_

"_No one wants you." _

Merlin pulls over on the side of the road, the cars flashing past sending streams of light past his window. His chest throbs. He stares blankly into the dark road ahead. And as the rain begins its soft pitter patter against the windshield, Merlin buries his head in his arms.

And he cries.

"Dad!"

"Yes Arthur?"

"Merlin's on his way here. Just thought I'd let you know."

Uther laughs, "Already? But you were just at the airport an hour ago! You'd better go unpack then. And Morgana, can you set the table for one more?"

"Of course," Morganareplies smiling. It's nice to finally have her family all together again.

Arthur hurriedly unpacks, pulling out some gifts he bought Merlin from New York and gets into some fresh clothes. Rain patters against the windowpane and increases until Arthur can hear it pouring outside, thunder growling in the distance. His heart constricts as he imagines Merlin on the slippery road. He imagines his boyfriend's soft smile and the way his widening gold eyes will crinkle at the corners. Imagines how he'll eagerly rush towards him and hold him in his arms at last, face breaking into large, bright grin that will have Arthur's heart warm and fluttering in his chest.

When the door bell finally rings, Arthur sighs in relief. Excited to see his boyfriend again, he sprints up the stairs, taking two at a time.

Uther laughs again at his son's enthusiasm and watches amusedly as he sees him almost trip over his own feet running to the door, throwing it open when he reaches it.

Merlin stands outside with a smile, eyes widening in joy as he sees his boyfriend for the first time in months. Arthur pulls him inside and out of the rain, watching as the other boy shakes the rain drops from his dark curls. They splatter against the floor, Merlin making little downpour of his own. After a second of studying his boyfriend, Merlin is rushing to Arthur, burying himself in his arms. Arthur holds him close, breathing in the smell of the clean autumn rain and Merlin, Merlin, Merlin. After a long moment, he mutters into Merlin's damp curls, throat thick, "I've missed you."

"Not as much as I've miss you." Merlin mutters quietly, his voice rough. The sound of it sends little shivers down Arthur's spine. Skype or the phone can never truly catch Merlin's voice. Can never truly describe how it can be bright and lively, echoing the child who cannot stand still or how it can be marbled and deep, like the feeling of smooth gravel brushing against the palm of your hand.

Arthur smiles and finds his own voice, speaking softly into Merlin's ear. "Liar."

They both laugh, Arthur feeling the rumble of Merlin's chest against his own. Reluctantly, they pull away to look deep into each other's eyes. Arthur reaches over and brushes his slender fingers over Merlin's cheek, making the other boy close his eyes and shudder slightly at the simple touch.

Arthur's heart swells as Merlin's lashes flutter open and move closer and then they are kissing for the first time in what seems like forever, clichéd as it sounds. The feeling of Merlin's soft lips against his own is so natural.

Arthur Pendragon is really home.

Their mouths slide smoothly together until Uther clears his throat. Merlin jumps back quickly, flashing a bright grin to Arthur who is rolling his eyes, before turning to Uther, "Hey Mr. Pendragon!"

"Yeah yeah," Uther replies gruffly, but he is unable to keep the smile off his face.

Morgana bustles out of the kitchen. "Hello there Merlin! It's so nice to see you. Arthur, how about you get him out of that wet jacket before the poor boy catches his death, and then we can have some dinner."

Arthur helps Merlin shrug off his coat and hangs it out to dry, and they share a quick kiss before walking hand in hand to the dining room where Leon is already seated and started, "Oh hey Merlin," he says with his mouth full.

"Hey man. Good to see you."

Leon nods in agreement and everyone settles down to eat, laughing and talking, sharing stories and jokes.

Arthur can barely keep his eyes off Merlin, who either listens intently or joins in, speaking animatedly with his father and Leon about American football when the topic arises. Merlin periodically sneaks glances at Arthur when Uther is turned away, and blushes furiously when he catches Arthur staring. _He's so unbelievably gorgeous. How the hell was I so lucky_, Arthur thinks inwardly, _How is it even possible that he got even more beautiful after all this time? _He just wants to hold him, run his fingers through those dark curls, treasure him, kiss him…

"So Merlin, how's school?" Uther's question pulls Arthur out of his reverie. Thankfully.

Merlin looks down at his plate, apparently his food just became extremely interesting. "Uh, It's um… It's fine." He composes himself and looks up but avoids Arthur's eyes, "It's fine. Not the same without everyone of course but yeah… It's okay. So, Arthur, how's Gwen? Has she found New York to her expectations?"

Confused at the subject change, Arthur hesitates a second before replying. The moment passes and the conversation continues. Arthur glances at his dad, who just shrugs.

_It's nothing. You're just overreacting. Relax. _He thinks to himself but makes a mental note to ask Merlin about it later.

Once dinner is finished, Merlin is helping Arthur put away the dishes despite numerous protests when thunder claps loudly, echoing through the house. The boys turn to each other and Arthur rushes to the window, taking a look outside. The rains falls in sheets and Merlin's car is barely visible parked at the side of the road. The wind whistles, lightning flashes, and thunder roars. The trees sway sharply in the breeze, black brushes painting the sky a dull gray, the clouds like smoke rolling and blanketing the world in loud darkness.

Arthur turns to Uther, "Dad! Merlin has to stay the night. Look outside."

Merlin instantly protests, "Arthur…"

But Uther is nodding his head, "Arthur's right. Son, there's no way I'm going to let you drive in that."

"It's really not too bad…"

But Uther is having none of that. "You can sleep on the couch tonight. Call your parents and let them know."

Merlin relaxes, "Thank you sir."

"Don't mention it. Arthur, you go get something for Merlin to sleep in."

Arthur nods brightly, turning to his bedroom, "Come on Merlin!"

The boys bound down the stairs, "Door open!" Uther shouts after them, but doesn't pursue it.

The moment they are in Arthur's bedroom, Arthur shoves Merlin down on the bed, kissing him urgently. Merlin laughs in between kisses, trying to half heartedly to push Arthur off of him. "Arthur… We have to sleep…. I have… school tomorrow." He chokes out and gasps as Arthur kisses his neck. He squirms, pinned to the sheets, unable to stop laughing at his persistent boyfriend, but is held tightly. Surrendering and allowing Arthur to kiss him, the younger boy wraps his arms tight around the boy above him and pulls him down closer, deepening the kiss. Merlin's legs naturally spread, allowing Arthur to slide between them and get closer. They kiss languidly until Arthur moves to lean against Merlin's chest, and then there's a sharp stab of pain and Merlin is pulling away with a gasp, eyes watering.

Arthur instantly leaps off and looks down concerned. "Oh my god Merlin I am so sorry…"

Merlin sits up with a wince, reaching for Arthur's hand, "Not your fault."

"Are you alright?"

"It's nothing, don't worry."

"Merlin."

He sighs, "Seriously Arthur it's nothing. I uh, tripped today at school and my chest is a little sore from the fall."

Arthur still looks concerned, "Do you need ice or something? Are you sure it's not serious?"

"I'm fine Arthur. Really," Merlin replies steadily.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I forgot," He laughs embarrassedly, running his fingers through his curls, "You're… uh… distracting."

Arthur smiles and leans down, kissing Merlin gently before pulling away quickly, leaving Merlin chasing his lips. Pouting his lips much like a toddler indignant at not receiving a promised chocolate, Merlin whines, "Arthur, I'm not going to break."

Arthur laughs at his boyfriend's expression but moves away to rummage through his drawers, pulling out some black sweatpants and a white t-shirt and throwing them at Merlin. "You're right though, it's already late and we need to get up early tomorrow."

Merlin, moving to sit at the edge of the bed, freezes, "We?"

"Of course. I want see everybody. Gwaine, Percival and everyone else will be there too. It's supposed to be a like a little surprise rugby reunion." He spins to Merlin, "Don't tell anybody else."

"Then why don't you just drop by during practice?"

"Oh I won't stay the whole day, trust me I don't have _that_ many good memories there. I'll probably just drop you off, visit a couple teachers, and then come back in the afternoon for the reunion. Unless of course you want me to say the whole day…"

Merlin replies quickly, "Oh no, no I need to focus on classes anyways."

"And I'm distracting?"

Merlin smiles, "Exactly."

"I can't help but pull focus sorry."

Merlin chuckles, opening his arms hopefully. Arthur moves into them and kisses him again, pushing him gently back down to the mattress, carefully avoiding putting pressure on his chest. "You take my breath away," he mumbles against Merlin's lips, which smile at the memory. Merlin's hand run down Arthur's sides, and then rise up to cup his face, pulling him in closer and…

Darkness.


	2. Chapter 2

The boys freeze and sit up, confused. They're in complete darkness, and all they can hear is the faint rumble of thunder from outside.

"The power was probably cut by the storm," Arthur whispers and rises, holding his hands in front of him, stumbling blindly for the door. He can hear Merlin breathing heavily from the bed and he walks in the general direction of the stairs, bumping into something. "Ouch."

"Are you alright?" comes Merlin's concerned voice from the darkness.

"Yeah. Just my dresser."

The door creaks open and a dim light hovers from above.

"Arthur?" Uther calls out.

"Yeah Dad I'm right here."

"You and Merlin alright?"

"We're fine. What's happening?"

"The storm must have taken out the power. And we're out of batteries. So we're just going to have to deal with candles until tomorrow. We should all be getting into bed anyways," Uther says grimly. "Arthur, you come up and get some candles and prepare the couch for Merlin."

Arthur groans but moves toward the light, his father's face appearing in the glow of a candle. He takes the candle from his father and hands it to Merlin, who hovers behind him. "Go get changed. Use this to see." He instructs, gently pressing the candle into Merlin's hand. "Careful you don't burn yourself." He says softly.

He sees the faint form of Merlin nod and take the candle, using it to light his way to the bed where the clothes Arthur had handed him are laid out.

With a sigh, Arthur follows his father and closes the door behind him. The living room and kitchen are faintly lighted with the glow of multiple candles, casting shuddering light over the dark room. Morgana is carefully carrying a couple to her room and Leon is in the kitchen lighting some more. When Arthur approaches, Uther hands him a plate of candles.

"Go put these in your room and grab Merlin. You both should be getting some sleep. I've put a couple of clean blankets on the couch. We're off to bed but don't take too long. Remember, he has school, even if you don't." He instructs firmly but kindly. "Make sure you blow out the candles before you go to sleep. Do you need anything else?"

"No thanks. Goodnight."

"Goodnight."And with that he grabs a couple of candles of her own and heads up the stairs

The house is silent except for the rain pounding against the windows. It thuds steadily against the window, a soundtrack on an endless loop, broken by sporadic rumbles of thunder. It resonates in the quiet of the house and Arthur can't help but want to stand and listen to it forever. But he wants Merlin to listen with him. He carefully holds the candles and goes to his room, eyes on the stairs to make sure he doesn't trip on his way down, but moving silently in hopes of surprising Merlin. The thunder claps loudly and Arthur's heart flutters involuntarily and he tightens his hold on the candle, gripping onto the railing and pausing, as if the thunder clap could push him off. Steadying his heartbeat, he peers in the room and sees the faint form of Merlin. His back is turned and Arthur moves closer, watching as an oblivious Merlin lifts his shirt over his head and throws it on the bed.

Getting ready to scold Merlin on the treatment of his clothes but eager to see his boyfriend shirtless for the first time in months, Arthur moves closer, holding the candle out.

And freezes.

Unable to stop himself, he gasps, causing Merlin to spin around. His eyes widen when he sees Arthur and he looks blindly for a shirt but it has fallen to the floor. It doesn't matter anyway. The damage has already been done.

Arthur knows.

A soft hand on his shoulder stops Merlin's movements and the younger boy stands stiffly, looking in the darkness behind Arthur as he feels eyes roam across his torso.

The candlelight flickers and dances across Merlin's bare skin, shedding light on the many bruises and discolorations that stain the tan. Even in the dim light they are clear, and Arthur's heart constricts as he imagines how they'll look in the daylight. Bruises that splash across his ribs and up to his chest, where healthy skin is barely visible. A careless splatter of awful colour on the usually beautiful canvas of Merlin's skin. Arthur's fingertips softy touch Merlin and he watches as Merlin's chest rises and falls, the steady pattern interrupted every so often by small spasms accompanied by a slight hitch of Merlin's breath. The cry of bruised ribs that had been ignored for much too long. Arthur's panicked eyes rise to Merlin's shoulders where more marked the skin and a couple of fresh and old scratches and raw patches peek out, angry red welts taunting him as they creep across his boyfriend's body. And Arthur knows that if he made Merlin turn around he would see more painful scars on his back because Arthur knows exactly where one might get those scratches. He knows how they're caused. Doesn't even have to think about it.

They are caused by being slammed repeatedly against a locker.

After all, they once used to stain his skin. Now they stain that of his boyfriend, who shivers slightly underneath his eyes.

Merlin exhales, his breath shakes as it leaves his lungs, "Arthur…" He'd closed his eyes as Arthur's scorching eyes had blazed across his skin, setting it alight and crackling without even burning him. He knows tears are welling in Arthur's beautiful blue eyes, and he'd rather be shoved into a hundred more lockers and beaten up a million more times than have to watch Arthur cry. _I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry, _he thinks as he squeezes his eyes shut, _I can never do anything right. I just make people unhappy. You weren't supposed to find out like this. You were never supposed to find out._ He can feel himself trembling, but it isn't cold, and Merlin wishes he was like Alice, shrinking and shrinking and shrinking before she finally disappears into Wonderland.

Ripping his gaze away from his boyfriend's ravaged skin, Arthur moves his fingers to Merlin's cheek, brushing away the tear that had trickled down involuntarily, making hazel eyes open to meet his own, which instead of being panicked, sad, or even angry, are calm. Taking a deep breath, he speaks carefully, as if trapping words and thoughts that threaten to spill through, "We are going to talk about this in the morning. You need to sleep." He bends down slowly and grabs the white t-shirt, handing it to Merlin, who slips it on quickly. Arthur turns around as he does and he clasps his hands in front of him. They tremble softly and his heart beats rapidly, almost painfully, in his chest.

Then it's silent. A silence that seems to enjoy being unbroken.

"Arthur…"

"Stop it Merlin. Just please, stop this." Arthur replies shakily. "I just can't… wha… how…" He swallows. "I can't." And with that he moves away and rises up the stairs.

Merlin follows him and settles down on the couch.

"No. You have to take the bed. You'll hurt your back more."

"The couch is fine. _I'm _fine Arthur."

"No you're not! Have you taken a look at yourself? Because that's sure as hell not fine." Arthur snaps, his composure cracking.

"Please Arthur," Merlin pleads." Just let me sleep here."

Arthur runs his fingers through his hair but doesn't argue further. There are so many thoughts and emotions spinning through his head, he feels he might explode. But instead of doing that, he helps Merlin make himself comfortable, pushing him back and tucking pillows around him, and covering him in blankets. Once or twice he sees Merlin wince as he shifts and Arthur just bites his lip. How could he not have noticed this before?

"Arthur."

Arthur sighs, "Yes Merlin?"

"Are you mad?" Merlin quietly replies in a small voice.

His heart breaks and he kneels beside the couch, kissing Merlin's forehead, brushing the curls from his face with light fingertips. "No I'm not… Just get some sleep and we'll talk in the morning." He leans down to kiss him, brushing his lips lightly against his boyfriend's warm skin. Every move he makes is gentle and hesitant, as if he's afraid Merlin will shatter into a thousand shards and disappear into the fluttering dark.

Then he pulls away and blows out the candles, moving slowly back to his bedroom.

Merlin's voice rises out of the darkness, "I love you."

Arthur hesitates, heart constricting tightly, "I love you too. Goodnight Merlin."

"Goodnight, Arthur."

Arthur disappears into his room, and changes into his pyjamas. He crashes onto his bed. The smell of Merlin still lingers on the pillows and he watches the candlelight flicker for hours, the small flame fluttering and twisting, the wax sliding down the candle in tiny drops. The wisp of light moves in front of his eyes, the darkness giving it a stage to dance on.

Confusion.

Betrayal.

Guilt.

Concern.

Fear.

Love.

Anger.

Hurt.

Guilt.

A thousand thoughts, a thousand feelings, and a million questions tear him apart as he lies motionless for hours. It's impossible to sleep. Exhausted but restless. He just keeps watching the little flame dance, wondering whether it would be happier if it had a partner. Wondering what would happen if they burned each other. Wondering whether they even could. Wondering what would happen to the little flame if its partner was blown out, disappearing into insignificant little wisps of smoke. A fist cruelly squeezes his heart.

Thunder claps loudly outside as he slips out of bed, the now much shorter candle lighting his way. Arthur warms some milk and drinks it slowly, watching the rain from the window. The night outside is even darker and lightning flashes, illuminating the room with white light for a fleeting second and Arthur watches the windows cry and listens to the sounds of the storm, a lullaby that can't seem to sing him to sleep.

He just wants to make it all okay.

Putting the mug in the sink he quietly walks into the living room and kneels beside the couch where Merlin is fast asleep, breathing deeply, lips slightly parted. He smiles at his peaceful expression and watches him fondly, his fingers lightly stroking the rain-cleaned curls that are still a little damp at the roots.

The last time he watched Merlin sleep was after their first time.

Merlin sighs in his sleep, shifting slightly. He mumbles and breathes in soft puffs, eyelashes curling onto his cheeks. _God he's so beautiful. _Arthur's heart constricts and he smiles softly, and he leans closer to Merlin, breathing in his warm, achingly familiar scent and pressing his lips to his forehead, feeling Merlin exhaling softly into his neck. He pulls away but stays close, tracing Merlin's features with careful eyes. Memorizing them again. And again. And again.

Watching Merlin sleep was quickly becoming one of his favourite pastimes.

Thunder roars outside and he almost laughs at how deep in slumber Merlin is. He sits up straighter and studies him in the flickering candlelight, trying to find some sort of clue. Some sort of hint. After a while, it's like a fog before his eyes clear and he can _really_ see Merlin. See how tired he looks. See how sad he is. See the creases in his brow. See the dark circles under his eyes. _How long has it been since he's slept?_ Arthur thinks concerned. He hears Merlin wheeze uncomfortably as he sleeps, a small cough interrupting his peaceful breathing, sending a flash of pain across his face.

_Merlin whines, "Arthur, I'm not going to break."_

Arthur bites his lip and feels tears sting his eyes as he hears Merlin voice in his head.

"_I'm not going to break."_

"_I'm not going to break."_

"_I'm not going to break."_

Merlin's voice chants in his head. A never ending loop of the same five words. Over and over and over.

_No you're not going to break Merlin._

_Because you can't break something that's already broken. _

Arthur's eyes roam down Merlin's body, where the blankets have slipped to his waist. Arthur's fingers gently graze over the bare skin of his arm, where faint bruising is visible that he knows continues underneath the white shirt. He stares at the discoloration for a long time and sees the imprints of where fingers have gripped too tightly in the dim candlelight. After a while he realizes that tears are streaking down his cheeks and he wipes them away quickly. He pulls up the blankets, tucking Merlin in securely. All he wants is to cradle him in his arms and forget all of this and just tell him that everything's okay.

But it's not.

"Who did this to you?" he whispers brokenly to the silence.


End file.
